The Bible says that oral sex is reserved for marriage. Though the Bible doesn’t explicitly mention oral sex, most Bible teachers agree oral sex is perfectly fine – and even to be celebrated – within the confines of marriage.
Outside of marriage, many Christians attempt to tiptoe the line of what’s “considered sex,” making this a popular question among singles. Are blowjobs okay? We’ll dive into what the Bible says about oral sex within and outside of a marriage covenant.
Between a husband and a wife, the Bible celebrates sex. We’ll look at how it does so and what the scriptures may or may not reveal to us about oral sex within marriage.
The Beauty of Sex in the Bible
Before we talk specifically about oral sex, we should be clear that sex is good. Sex was given to us by God as a gift. In sex, we find ourselves as physically intimate as we possible can. It’s the ultimate show and celebration of intimacy.
“From the beginning of creation, God ‘made them male and female’” (Genesis 1:27, Mark 10:6-8 ESV)
“‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’” (Mark 10:6-8, Genesis 2:24)
And though it’s not super clear that Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon) is primarily about love and sex, this is in the Bible:
How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. (Song of Solomon 7:6-13)
The Bible is crystal clear that sex is a good thing. From the start of creation through the Song of Songs. Sex is good.
But when sin entered the world, man’s desire was to abuse the gift of sex by enjoying it outside the confines God intended it.
Mentions of Oral Sex or Blowjobs in the Bible
Two interesting passages from the Bible are believed to refer to oral sex by many theologians.
Song Of Solomon 2:3 says: “Like an Apple Tree among the trees, so is mine beloved among the young men.” “In his shade, I took great pleasure and sat down. His fruit was sweet to me.” In biblical references, the word fruit refers both to male genitals as well as to their fruit. It can be equated with male genitals, or with semen. This passage could also refer to oral genital caress.
Song of Solomon 4:6 says “Awake, North Wind, and Come, South Wind!” Blossom my garden so that its scent may spread all around. Let my beloved enter his garden to taste the fruits of its bounty.”
These are the final words of Solomon’s bride. She seems to ask her husband to blow on her flower garden. This will cause the spices to flow. Although it’s impossible to know for sure, it is possible that she invites her husband to perform oral sex, but it’s not clear.
Even if that is what she intended to communicate, many Bible scholars believe the book Song of Solomon is meant to illustrate the power of God’s love for us – even greater and stronger than the most passionate human love we could imagine.
Is Oral Sex Outside of Marriage a Sin?
Though the Bible isn’t super duper explicit about oral sex or blowjobs, it certainly condemns sex outside of marriage. All throughout the New Testament, we are implored to flee from sexual immorality. And we’re called to flee sexual immorality far in advance of the act itself. Even looking at someone wearing revealing or immodest clothes can lead you down the path.
What does sexual immorality entail? We would say it includes any form of sex that’s not ordained in the Bible. Some people think it only entails adultery or sex with a prostitute, but there’s much more to it. And the only kind of sex ordained in the Bible is that within the marriage bed – a real marriage bed, not one by common law from living with your partner for years.
The Bible is clear on this:
- 1 Corinthians 6:18: Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
- Hebrews 13:4: Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5: For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
- Matthew 5:28: But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
- Ephesians 5:3: But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.
- 1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
- Galatians 5:19: Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,
- 1 Corinthians 7:2: But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
So we would say yes, oral sex before marriage or oral sex with someone who isn’t your wife would be considered adultery.
Oral Sex within Marriage
So it’s pretty clear oral sex isn’t okay outside of marriage. What does the Bible say about blowjobs and other forms of oral sex within the confines of marriage?
As mentioned before, it’s not explicitly mentioned. So if it’s not explicitly mentioned, how should we answer this question?
Let’s look at four questions that would deem oral sex innapropriate within marriage:
1. Is the Bible explicitly against oral sex?
Oral sex is not explicitly forbidden in any Biblical command. It would be through a broader principle and not an explicit command that the Bible would prohibit oral sex.
2. Is oral sex unnatural?
Is it unnatural? This is a difficult question. This is a tricky one.
You might be tempted to jump to conclusions and say “No, that’s not natural.” But the Song of Solomon and the Proverbs are clear about the breasts of a wife. This is a kind of analogy. Consider this: Nothing seems more natural to me than a baby cuddling up in her mother’s arms and drinking from her breast. Breasts are what they were made for. They are made to feed babies.
Is there something physically natural about a man’s fascination with his wife’s breasts? You might argue that breasts are not for that purpose. Proverbs 5 :19 states, “Let her breasts delight you at all times; be intoxicated constantly in her love.” Song Of Solomon 7:7-8 is even more explicit about the woman. I promise to climb the palm tree to get its fruit. Your breasts may look like clusters of vines.
Even though there is no anatomical relationship between a man and his hands, or his lips, and his wife’s breasts it seems “natural”. This is a built-in pleasure and desire that God seems to recommend for marital enjoyment. So what about oral sex and other types of sex? It is not natural to limit a married couple on the basis of this claim. I believe it is natural.
3. Is oral sex harmful or unhealthy?
Is it harmful or unhealthy? If there are sexually transmitted diseases, it could be. It could also be done in a dangerous manner. The couple must be open and honest with each other, not taking risks that are unloving.
4. Is oral sex unkind or hateful?
This one touches the most raw nerves and has the greatest impact. If your spouse finds oral sex unpleasant, will you pressurize them to have it? If you do, it’s unkind and a sin. Ephesians 4:12 states, “Be kind to each other.” The key word is pressure.
1 Corinthians 7 :4 states that the wife has no authority over her body but her husband. The husband also does not have control over his body, but his wife does.” This is where sex comes in. What does this mean practically? It means that the husband and wife (respectfully) both have the right to say to each other “I would like to [fill in the blank].” Both of them can also say I would prefer not to [fill in the blank].” In a happy marriage each spouse tries to be kind and generous.
So with this in mind, oral sex isn’t by nature unkind. But when performed against a spouse’s wishes, it certainly can be.
What the Bible Says About Oral Sex and Blowjobs
The Bible ordains sex only in the context of marriage. Oral sex can be a beautiful thing between a bride and groom.
If you aren’t yet married (and especially if you’re dating), here are some parting thoughts:
1. Wait in faith.
Waiting is the Christian posture. We wait for Christ’s return. We await his return. Unmarried believers await the blessings and promises of marriage. Faith in God’s Word will help you say “no” sin’s promises. Keep waiting for God’s Word to renew your mind and continue to wait in faith.
2. Guys, you gotta lead.
Both partners are responsible before God. However, it is the man who must set the tone for purity. Too often, women are made to draw lines and say “no” when they don’t want to. This is cowardice and wrong. The man has the responsibility of leading his future wife away from sin, darkness and the pain and evil. If he does not set the right example, he will be digging for years and may never recover the ground he lost without God’s grace.
3. Involve others in every step.
Your relationship should be examined by godly Christians. You should both have a godly couple, or group of faithful friends, who will hold you responsible. Ask tough questions and provide honest answers. Be honest about other things like masturbation and wet dreams, too. God uses transparency for strength. Lean into community, and definitely seek out a local church if you aren’t already involved in one.
4. Lean into the Gospel.
John, the apostle, wrote: “My dear children. I write this to make sure you don’t sin.” If anyone does sin, there is one who can speak to the Father for us–Jesus Christ the Righteous One ( 2:1-2 ). Run to the cross if you are guilty of sin. Run to the empty tomb. Turn to your Advocate and confess your sins. This kind of posture is blessed by God (Prov. 28:13). You don’t have to commit sexual sin in your marriage, engagement, or courting relationship.
God is a merciful God and delights in restoring sin’s destruction ( Joel 2:15-27). However, he will not bless continued disobedience or presumption upon his grace. Today is the time to ask for mercy and to turn to Christ in faith if you have committed sexual sin. We ask for mercy from God to seek purity for His glory and our benefit.